Billie Eilish shared more than her complicated feelings about her breakup from Jesse Rutherford in her new album, HIT ME HARD AND SOFT. The musician also appears to sing about how a friendship she had with his ex-girlfriend prior to her dating Rutherford affected how she felt in the relationship. “Wildflower” captures the guilt and insecurity that Eilish felt as she compared herself to the other girl.
It’s worth noting Eilish has been able to keep many of her friendships private, but there’s a big hint in the title about who the subject of her song might be, which fans found quickly. Before dating Eilish, Rutherford was in a long-term relationship with 23-year-old influencer Devon Lee Carlson. They dated from 2015 to 2021.
Carlson notably has a phone case company called Wildflower Cases.
Eilish’s friendship with Carlson became really public after Eilish’s breakup from Rutherford, which was announced in May 2023. That Halloween, Eilish and Carlson were photographed holding hands at a party. Eilish was dressed like a cowgirl, and Carlson went as Elizabeth Hurley’s character from Bedazzled, wearing a “Bad” T-shirt and leather pants. Eilish sings about a girl in leather in “Wildflower”: “I’d never ask who was better / ’Cause she couldn’t be / More different from me / Happy and free in leather.”
Eilish’s friendship with Carlson endures to this day, with Eilish sharing a photo of them hugging at Coachella last month. “Shoutout to love and friendship man life is beautiful,” Eilish wrote.
She also seemed to reflect on their Halloween party meeting in her breakup song to Rutherford, “L’Amour de Ma Vie,” later in the album.
Explore ‘Hit Me Hard and Soft’
Billie Eilish Breaks the Mold With HIT ME HARD AND SOFT
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But in “Wildflower,” Eilish explores friendship, guilt, and the insecurity she felt while dating her partner with aching poignancy. Listen to the song and read its lyrics below:
Verse 1
Things fall apart
And time breaks your heart
I wasn’t there, but I know
She was your girl
You showed her the world
You fell out of love, and you both let goPre-Chorus
She was cryin’ on my shoulder
All I could do was hold her
Only made us closer until July
Now I know that you love me
You don’t need to remind me
I should put it all behind me, shouldn’t I?[Chorus]
But I see her in the back of my mind all the time
Like a fever, like I’m burning alive, like a sign
Did I cross the line?
(Mm) HmmVerse 2
Well, good things don’t last
And life moves so fast
I’d never ask who was better
’Cause she couldn’t be
More different from me
Happy and free in leather
Pre-Chorus
And I know that you love me
You don’t need to remind me
Wanna put it all behind me, but babyChorus
I see her in the back of my mind all the time
Feels like a fever, like I’m burning alive, like a sign
Did I cross the line?
Bridge
You say no one knows you so well (Oh)
But every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt
Valentine’s Day, cryin’ in the hotel
I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myselfChorus
And I wonder
Do you see her in the back of your mind in my eyes?Outro
You say no one knows you so well
But every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt
Valentine’s Day, cryin’ in the hotel
I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself